The Bird Who Continues to Eat the Rabbit's Flower

I need to feel the inner light


So It's been another long exhausting day.. However I did do some semi productive things today..

Went to the DMV today and got a drivers handbook (so I can finally get my license) and this happened there:

A woman with her two children..
The woman had long acrylic nails on with pink and orange butterflies painted on them ... This is what i though when i saw them:

(only less bad ass and more white trash)


That's all I can ever think of when I see nails like that... Scary woman who would kill you with their claws.

Whats even worse is that she has children, that's even more troubling and her children had those dog leashes on them that look like these (or at least this is what I think of them):


They were actually pink and blue (for some reason the girl had blue and the boy had pink). Now the girl was about sixish maybe seven. and the boy was probably 3 or 4.

I thought wow that girl is way too old for one of those
(Well in my personal opinion no one should have those, because if you cannot your children you do not deserve to overpopulate the world with them). The girl looked like she was largely undeveloped and acted immature beyond all reasoning, she had Velcro shoes on and overalls with a stuffed animal of sorts in her hands (it was some mutilated dog thing) and the poor child walked around like she was on drugs, completely oblivious to the world around her.
While the boy STILL had a pacifier I don't know if any of you know this but that is way too old to be using one.

The mother would grow impatient with the DMV slaves and lash out at her children for being good (she was yelling at them for doing things that the were clearly not doing). The children just stared at the mother with the biggest deer in a headlights look you could imagine, they would flinch and squirm when she came near, which made me almost certain that she probably beat them. Not only that but I passed her earlier and she wreaked of liquor. I don't know why I stayed there so long if all I was getting was a handbook.
But I sat down staring at her poor sickly pale children and her overly died hair that should have died in the haties as did most things. She had wrinkles around her lips and I could tell that she was a heavy smoker too.

Eventually I had had enough of her antics, how she was pulling her children around anxiously and they were putting around scared and falling. I looked around to see if anyone was noticing the horrors I was, and either they were too busy with their unimportant lives or they were looking on and putting their heads down because they were sheep too afraid to stand up to what they new was right. So I took the initiative.
I went up to her and tapped her on the shoulder, the tired whore of a mother looked at me and growled with her smoke stained teeth and said "Yes?"
-"Your unpleasant, and I think you should not treat your children this way"
--"Excuse me?"
-"Look at them, they are too old for how you are treating them, why don't you give them respect? Clean up your act, your a mother.
"
--"Since when do you know how to raise kids? What are you fifteen?, your just a little cockamamie whore who thinks she knows everything, you ain't got a lick of knowledge in your pretty little head!"
-"I know enough to know that coming to the DMV under the influence is not a good idea Ma'am, I also know that these children whether or not you want to admit it are also human beings and deserve caring respect which you are not giving them.
"
--"You little sewer rat cunt--"
-"Please stop, I didn't come here to make a scene just to tell you what every person in this room is thinking, Good Day Ma'am"
With that I placed my headphones on and walked as quickly as I could out of that god forsaken place. If she said anything more I didn't hear her.


When I got home I put my bad on the table and my father came in shortly after... "Why are you home?"
-"Ashley had to work, I'm sorry" (Ashley is my older sister)
--"Well don't you have any friends?"
-"Yes, none that live here though" (Davis)
--"Oh well find something to do tomorrow"
-"Hey Dad..."
--"Yes?"
-"I was wondering if we could make dinner together tonight?" (its 5pm)
--"Erryn it's really late and I'm really busy maybe some other time"
-"I don't understand it's not that late"
--"Erryn, I'm tired please..."
-"Okay Dad"

I went in my room and got really sad my eyes watered but I did not cry. then he came in and tried to buy my happiness and we got into an argument. I miss my mother...

I saw these today in a The Smiths commercial (I know crazy right?!) and it made me smile not just because it was The Smiths, (thanks Sean for talking to me during that and reminding me to smile):

(my favorite flower in what may be my favorite color of them)



... Also I can't wait for Wednesday, I think my mood will improve then. I needed a Wednesday for a while now.

30-12-08 3:06

Red Rabbits number two put off until friday

I know That there was supposed to be a whole Red Rabbits story this week and I have been working on it; however I have had so much going on lately (x-mas presents, other writings, working on character development, wow... I know that one is awful, and my duties as a social human being) that I have not really bee able to come up with something great and fantastic like I promised to the seven people that actually read this. So i will give you what I have worked on Details about this world I have created to fill in some gaps. I did actually write it but after reading it I realized it was not the master piece I promised, it was just boring. If you really want it I'll mail it to you but it's too sad to post. Also I am getting photoshop tonight so I can upload my drawings. So expect it to be posted either Friday or worse comes to worse over the weekend but defiantly before next Tuesday, you have my word.

Happy Holiday's
Marzipan

A Number Between One and Ten

A Number Between One and Ten

I hate that game,
I hate that you HAVE to guess 1 through 10
I have always chosen 8, because it usually wins
I despise how nostalgic everyone thinks it is
I sit here and think
"can't we just flip a coin?
Draw straws?
Do we HAVE to pick numbers?"
We HAVE t pick numbers though
it's so inhuman it really is
how sad that we are defined by numbers
"1,2,3,4"
that's all you are
"Number 4 is not close enough to the one I was thinking"
"5,6,7,8"
Sorry neither was 6
"9, 10"
"it was 2 so andy you get to go first"
That always irritated me
How the number you chose was always wrong
always
I hate that game
Since when did life become so simple
that 1 through 10 could solve all of our problems
we don't have to make decisions
just choose a number
its just a number, don't be rash
I'll be rash if i want to!
Why do we have to teach our young to be indecisive
Isn't that how the world gets into trouble
because no one can make a decision?
Unfortunately the world is not nostalgic enough
to use the 1 through 10 system
instead we do this:
"should we send 1 million soldiers or 10?"
"Why don't we just pick a number between 1 and 10"
"there lives don't matter, they are pawns"
we are all pawns...
all because no one can make the right decisions
at the right time.
I hate that game
But we all do it, don't we?
we all play that over bearing game every day.
I like flipping coins
because the number only goes up to 2
that's better.
two is better than ten

22/12/08 23:56

Cat poop

Cat poop--
We have this potted plant in my house and we have two cats: Summer (14 years my Mom's cat) and Jill (1 year, my cat). My mother complains about Jill so much, She rants and raves because Jill is slightly retarded. I always tell her that it's not jill's fault that she is slow (The vet actually told me my cat's "brain is lame"), she just has different needs and can't be left alone around cloth (she eats it). On another note last christmas, before I knew about Jill's problem, I had left her in the room with all of my x -mas clothing when I came back she had eaten over 300$ worth.
Tonight as my mom was discussing the fact that its not normal for my cat to run around in circles and hit her head, she smelled something, something rotten. She turned to me and said "have you checked the litter box? Your cat always leave really stinky poop." I groaned and walked down the hall, there was nothing there. i returned to find her horrified standing next to the plant in the dining room. "Look at this Erryn, look at this now!" I stood next to her and looked into the pot, it was filled with cat excrement. I looked at her and laughed, a little over the top. She glared at me and snarled she knew that it was not my cat deep down, because my cat loves litter boxes and she will wait until she is let inside just so she can use one, Where summer never seems to use it, and usually goes outside, or so we had thought. I looked at my mom with what may have been the biggest grin I had had in a very long time and said "Who has the stupid cat now?"

She had to empty the whole pot, and it made me happy.

22/12/08 19:15

IKEA

Today, I'm going to try to get some stuff done, and unfortunately I feel rather helpless, I'm downloading photoshop for mac right now, then I can scan my illustrations in there, and then you can all see my red rabbit concept stuff. It should all go well, and hopefully I can get that second one posted, anyways the only reason why any of you read these is because you are looking for humor. Here you go:

IKEA::: and why they think children are house pets.

I was in IKEA yesterday looking for Christmas presents and with some help from ikea hacker, I came up with some pretty rad ideas. While I was passing through the display area I came across the little kid area, now at first it is important to know that I was not aware that I was in the kid's area. I looked around and saw the little play places, I looked at my mom and said "those are some pretty elaborate little cat and dog houses huh?" My mom was in a little bit of shock when she turned and said "I'm tired of you being so damn cynical all the time, why do you continue to call children little beasts and animals? you were once one" I stared at her a little lost at first, and said "I love kids, I hate babies... there is a difference, and I thought those were dog and cat houses do they not look like dog and cat houses?" this is what I saw (I am aware the images are small, I want them to be)


Now excuse me if I'm wrong in saying this, but I have these tents and tunnels for my cat... please tell me if you can't imagine a little kitty playing around in one of those, but they were for children! I had thought at first that I was in the pet section not only because of those "play houses" but because I was certain that the child stuffed animals were chew toys (again I am aware that the pictures are small)


So after that horrible mess I we went on to get lights, I got one for my cousin, and I discovered that the lamp that I had chosen looked like psoriasis, (to my mistake I had by accident said syphilis, which led to a whole other discussion but that's not the point) so I then decided it would be out of the question to give that to her, no matter how emo she may be.

it's called snowflake, but up close in the store it really look nasty...
So i returned it for one that had twigs, I didn't really like it but whatever.


I have decided that ikea hack is awesome and ikea is not all it's lived up to be.
Also I got a a white mouse pad which now looks nothing like the original. The best thing i took away from this trip however was an argument this lady started near the exit. There was this woman with two of her children, one was a six year old boy and the other was a seven year old girl(I'm guessing). The boy was pushing the cart, but was lingering a bit because the Mom was standing waiting for the husband. There are two groups of people behind them trying to maneuver around the boy, they were not upset or impatient though, and I'm sure if the boy knew they were there he would have kindly moved. The mother looks at the child and starts to yell quite profoundly. "Move Now! can't you see they want you to move?!!" The boy became flustered and didn't quite know what to do with himself, so he did what any 6 year old would do in this situation, froze. "I knew you couldn't handle this responsibility, didn't I warn you, DIDN'T I?!!!" I'm sitting there thinking oh geese what a crazy woman... "Now move away so these people can get through!" she turned to the individuals behind her who were rather uncomfortable, for it wasn't that big of a deal "I'm so sorry about him, you know kids" Total mood change, a complete 180 she went from psycho mom to leave it to beaver in about .5 seconds. She then turned to the girl and made another 180 back to psycho.. "Take the cart away from him and put it back I knew you two could not have been responsible enough to take control of this, grow up!"

I was floored... Grow up? he was six and confused... Gris are crazy, and I am never going to be that kind of parent, if I decide to have kids which I dont think I will

classic: Panic Attacks

Panic Attack

I decided to get out of the house
Rode my bike as far as I could
I have no idea where I am
At some random coffee shop
i think i went around 10 miles
I'm sitting here
drinking tea
trying not to notice
the people talking about me
whispering in there way
Some event, about 15 minutes ago
"Are you sure your okay?"
the waitress isn't looking at my face
she's looking at my cut
"I'm fine i'm alive right?
This isn't hell right?"
"No it's not"
"Then I'm fine"
"Your bleeding"
"i'm fine."
17 minutes ago i ran into someone
Someone who wasn't there
They didn't talk, they never do
Just staring.
I looked at them
"what are you going to order?"
"earl gray green please"
staring, still
"we don't have that?"
not paying attention
"ma'am?"
"Oh well then just get me whatever you want"
"okay..."
she leaves
I look back and the person is gone
Meanwhile my glass is vibrating in my hand
I'm fine i thought, I'm safe
23 minutes ago I got an e-mail
how many 50 year men i've slept with
I ignored it
Another e-mail
something along slut and whore
and i'm just a toy
I ignored it
A call
I ignored it
One last e-mail, that I didn't ignore
I don't deserve a life it said
I told her where she could put her mouse and such
Said some things i shouldn't have
But it was a line she had crossed
A line that is very well marked
with neon lights and sirens and such
But she crossed it
So i said some things i really shouldn't have
I was hearing things i shouldn't have
My head started ringing
The waitress comes with tea
It wasn't very good
I struggle to keep focus
As i raise a trembling glass to my lips
I try to fight it
And i lost

29 minutes ago
my glass dropped
and shattered
I fell from the steel chair
onto the broken glass
losing focus of reality
when i realize whats going on
my arm and my lip are bleeding
i sit up still shaking
with a crowd around me
making sure they won't get sued
"I'm okay"
fake smile
"I'm a little clumsy"
fake laugh
My arms are wound behind my back
hiding my pulsing body

"here is your check"
she presses
they want me to leave
but i have no where to go
33 minutes ago
they were all afraid for there money
I finish my tea and now i'm almost ready
I hope i can make the ten mile trek back
"are you going to be okay?"
"I'll be fine"
fake smile
"don't worry i'm not going to sue you"
i can see a wave of relief
I have overstayed my welcome here
i better go somewhere else

27 sept 2008 16 21

OhBeast!!

Ohbeast! (venting)

I think that there may in fact be something incredibly wrong with me.. I look in the mirror on a daily basis and I become incredibly depressed. Mainly because i think all of my friends are liars. People say that I am incredibly skinny but its not really true at all, I have huge thighs and I may as well not even have ankles. I weigh around 107, I know this may sound bad but this is the most i have weighed in a very long time. Maybe it is just me, but when I came home today my sister looked at me and said "oh god your thighs look huge in those pants!" I need to start working out over this break, and I probably will, because I know this may sound really bad but looking back at everything I honestly do believe that I am out of shape, and I have some major fat I could lose, weight does not anger me so much but it would be nice to be under 100 lbs.

On another notes of looks and fashion, I hate it when people say that I am one of the most prettiest people that they know, because your lying and its obvious. I could point out a billion things wrong with me and at best I am above average on the looks scale, but just barley. I feel that I may have certain aspects that appeal to certain individuals more but it can not be looks, I don't care what anyone says because i know that I do not look great, and i don't care I just wish that people would stop shoving this bullshit down my face when its obvious to everyone that they are full of shit.

Anyways overall I am angry at how lazy I have been, I need to start doing things with my life and become responsible, I need to get a job.

20/12/08 22:54