Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

The Bird Who Continues to Eat the Rabbit's Flower




I need to feel the inner light


So It's been another long exhausting day.. However I did do some semi productive things today..

Went to the DMV today and got a drivers handbook (so I can finally get my license) and this happened there:

A woman with her two children..
The woman had long acrylic nails on with pink and orange butterflies painted on them ... This is what i though when i saw them:

(only less bad ass and more white trash)


That's all I can ever think of when I see nails like that... Scary woman who would kill you with their claws.

Whats even worse is that she has children, that's even more troubling and her children had those dog leashes on them that look like these (or at least this is what I think of them):


They were actually pink and blue (for some reason the girl had blue and the boy had pink). Now the girl was about sixish maybe seven. and the boy was probably 3 or 4.

I thought wow that girl is way too old for one of those
(Well in my personal opinion no one should have those, because if you cannot your children you do not deserve to overpopulate the world with them). The girl looked like she was largely undeveloped and acted immature beyond all reasoning, she had Velcro shoes on and overalls with a stuffed animal of sorts in her hands (it was some mutilated dog thing) and the poor child walked around like she was on drugs, completely oblivious to the world around her.
While the boy STILL had a pacifier I don't know if any of you know this but that is way too old to be using one.

The mother would grow impatient with the DMV slaves and lash out at her children for being good (she was yelling at them for doing things that the were clearly not doing). The children just stared at the mother with the biggest deer in a headlights look you could imagine, they would flinch and squirm when she came near, which made me almost certain that she probably beat them. Not only that but I passed her earlier and she wreaked of liquor. I don't know why I stayed there so long if all I was getting was a handbook.
But I sat down staring at her poor sickly pale children and her overly died hair that should have died in the haties as did most things. She had wrinkles around her lips and I could tell that she was a heavy smoker too.

Eventually I had had enough of her antics, how she was pulling her children around anxiously and they were putting around scared and falling. I looked around to see if anyone was noticing the horrors I was, and either they were too busy with their unimportant lives or they were looking on and putting their heads down because they were sheep too afraid to stand up to what they new was right. So I took the initiative.
I went up to her and tapped her on the shoulder, the tired whore of a mother looked at me and growled with her smoke stained teeth and said "Yes?"
-"Your unpleasant, and I think you should not treat your children this way"
--"Excuse me?"
-"Look at them, they are too old for how you are treating them, why don't you give them respect? Clean up your act, your a mother.
"
--"Since when do you know how to raise kids? What are you fifteen?, your just a little cockamamie whore who thinks she knows everything, you ain't got a lick of knowledge in your pretty little head!"
-"I know enough to know that coming to the DMV under the influence is not a good idea Ma'am, I also know that these children whether or not you want to admit it are also human beings and deserve caring respect which you are not giving them.
"
--"You little sewer rat cunt--"
-"Please stop, I didn't come here to make a scene just to tell you what every person in this room is thinking, Good Day Ma'am"
With that I placed my headphones on and walked as quickly as I could out of that god forsaken place. If she said anything more I didn't hear her.


When I got home I put my bad on the table and my father came in shortly after... "Why are you home?"
-"Ashley had to work, I'm sorry" (Ashley is my older sister)
--"Well don't you have any friends?"
-"Yes, none that live here though" (Davis)
--"Oh well find something to do tomorrow"
-"Hey Dad..."
--"Yes?"
-"I was wondering if we could make dinner together tonight?" (its 5pm)
--"Erryn it's really late and I'm really busy maybe some other time"
-"I don't understand it's not that late"
--"Erryn, I'm tired please..."
-"Okay Dad"

I went in my room and got really sad my eyes watered but I did not cry. then he came in and tried to buy my happiness and we got into an argument. I miss my mother...

I saw these today in a The Smiths commercial (I know crazy right?!) and it made me smile not just because it was The Smiths, (thanks Sean for talking to me during that and reminding me to smile):

(my favorite flower in what may be my favorite color of them)



... Also I can't wait for Wednesday, I think my mood will improve then. I needed a Wednesday for a while now.

30-12-08 3:06

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Red Rabbits number two put off until friday

I know That there was supposed to be a whole Red Rabbits story this week and I have been working on it; however I have had so much going on lately (x-mas presents, other writings, working on character development, wow... I know that one is awful, and my duties as a social human being) that I have not really bee able to come up with something great and fantastic like I promised to the seven people that actually read this. So i will give you what I have worked on Details about this world I have created to fill in some gaps. I did actually write it but after reading it I realized it was not the master piece I promised, it was just boring. If you really want it I'll mail it to you but it's too sad to post. Also I am getting photoshop tonight so I can upload my drawings. So expect it to be posted either Friday or worse comes to worse over the weekend but defiantly before next Tuesday, you have my word.

Happy Holiday's
Marzipan

Saturday, December 20, 2008

classic: Panic Attacks

Panic Attack

I decided to get out of the house
Rode my bike as far as I could
I have no idea where I am
At some random coffee shop
i think i went around 10 miles
I'm sitting here
drinking tea
trying not to notice
the people talking about me
whispering in there way
Some event, about 15 minutes ago
"Are you sure your okay?"
the waitress isn't looking at my face
she's looking at my cut
"I'm fine i'm alive right?
This isn't hell right?"
"No it's not"
"Then I'm fine"
"Your bleeding"
"i'm fine."
17 minutes ago i ran into someone
Someone who wasn't there
They didn't talk, they never do
Just staring.
I looked at them
"what are you going to order?"
"earl gray green please"
staring, still
"we don't have that?"
not paying attention
"ma'am?"
"Oh well then just get me whatever you want"
"okay..."
she leaves
I look back and the person is gone
Meanwhile my glass is vibrating in my hand
I'm fine i thought, I'm safe
23 minutes ago I got an e-mail
how many 50 year men i've slept with
I ignored it
Another e-mail
something along slut and whore
and i'm just a toy
I ignored it
A call
I ignored it
One last e-mail, that I didn't ignore
I don't deserve a life it said
I told her where she could put her mouse and such
Said some things i shouldn't have
But it was a line she had crossed
A line that is very well marked
with neon lights and sirens and such
But she crossed it
So i said some things i really shouldn't have
I was hearing things i shouldn't have
My head started ringing
The waitress comes with tea
It wasn't very good
I struggle to keep focus
As i raise a trembling glass to my lips
I try to fight it
And i lost

29 minutes ago
my glass dropped
and shattered
I fell from the steel chair
onto the broken glass
losing focus of reality
when i realize whats going on
my arm and my lip are bleeding
i sit up still shaking
with a crowd around me
making sure they won't get sued
"I'm okay"
fake smile
"I'm a little clumsy"
fake laugh
My arms are wound behind my back
hiding my pulsing body

"here is your check"
she presses
they want me to leave
but i have no where to go
33 minutes ago
they were all afraid for there money
I finish my tea and now i'm almost ready
I hope i can make the ten mile trek back
"are you going to be okay?"
"I'll be fine"
fake smile
"don't worry i'm not going to sue you"
i can see a wave of relief
I have overstayed my welcome here
i better go somewhere else

27 sept 2008 16 21

Classic: I'm always there its always elsewhere

I'm always there, It's always elsewhere


So today ended well in a weird kinda way...

I felt really guilty afterwards, And i thought i refused to feel any guilt in this whole mess

So i'm like sitting here on the curb of the side walk

Just ran four miles maybe five

my heart is racing

and for once its not because i'm out of shape

I want to go to sleep i do

But i'm afraid that i might miss something

Today ended in the best way it could have

It could have never ended the way i wanted to

Because then for once

It would go the way i wanted

It was still very good though

My chest stings as the autumn air runs through my lungs

I can't do this I'm thinking 

I can't do this to that poor girl

Then i remember I already did

It's all over

My utter lack of a moral code is going to get me killed

Its only a matter of when

My mind and my heart are racing

I can understand how people get confused 

and become duelists

I am a monist though

I could never think them as one

My mind and my heart are racing

against each-other

And for some reason i desperately want my heart to win

But my mind is right

this is wrong

I don't care

"Lets tear this fucking place apart"

I just can't wait for this forsaken part to be over

It won't bother me which way my life goes

Just pick one for christs sake

"Lets tear our fucking bodies apart"

I can't be patti smith and audrey hepburn

"Lets just have some fun"

Today was magical in a way most nights could never be

Tonight kicked some ass

even though nothing good came from any of it

And yes this time i am nostalgic towards you, sir

I feel a little strange

Im going inside now

maybe lying down will help this madness

I wish i drank.....

26 Sept 2008 2:46